Polite British Etiquette Rules Every American Should Start Following

In a 2004 interview with Screen Slam, Dame Julie Andrews said that “Manners matter.” One of the admirable values that her film The Princess Diaries 2 asserts is that good manners, in general, show that you care and respect others.

As a Brit, Andrews comes from a nation that highly values manners and etiquette. Many other countries admire their impeccable ways, especially numerous Americans.

Regardless of that admiration, the British practice several polite forms of etiquette that the U.S. should as well. America may be the land of the free, but that does not mean it can’t learn a thing or two about politeness.

1. Always Say Please, Thank You, and Sorry

Though Americans will say please, thank you, and sorry fairly regularly, it should be more widespread, natural, and automatic as in the U.K. Brits will always say these three phrases, no matter how small or large the gesture. Small and simple examples include asking for something with a “please,” saying “thank you” if someone holds a door open for you, and “sorry” if you accidentally bump into someone.

I’m sure many Americans can think of times when a simple please or thank you would have made a difference in their day. Astrid Hofer points out for Readers Digest that people in Britain will say, “I’m so sorry, but I think you’re in my seat” if they encounter such a thing. In such divisive times where so many are quick to anger, this turn of phrase would be much more welcome.

2. Do Not Discuss Money

In the age of social media and reality television, many individuals have developed a propensity to discuss and flaunt wealth to excess. U.K. citizens are not immune to such traits (as we see in such shows like Bravo’s Ladies of London). However, proper British etiquette considers it improper and tacky.

Indeed, in a Hollywood Reporter Actress Roundtable, Kate Winslet mentions how the English often find discussing money “vulgar.” In her specific case, there’s a line between raising awareness of pay gaps and discussing money in a way that makes others uncomfortable.

Americans should adopt this way of thinking. You can share your experiences, but a fine line exists between sharing and bragging. Instead of saying you’re “looking for a man in finance,” why not focus on more admirable qualities? Equal pay in jobs matters, but making others feel inferior due to lack of finances certainly does not.

3. Table Manners

The difference between being uptight and rude when it comes to table manners remains slight. British etiquette says one should cut one piece of food at a time, lay cutlery nicely over one’s plate when done, and never chew too loudly or with one’s mouth open.

Americans frequently do not adhere to any of these rules. While people should be able to have a relaxed dining experience, they should at least attempt to eat quietly.

4. Arrive Promptly

While Americans have adopted a fashionably late approach to social occasions, the British take a much more considerate attitude. They arrive on time (never early) to parties and dinners and are at most five to ten minutes late. Arriving early is imperative for events like weddings.

In every case, punctuality demonstrates consideration for your host and other guests. For instance, you don’t want to be the reason for a delayed dinner. If delays become out of your control, a good rule of thumb would be to call and alert why you’ll be tardy.

5. Proper Queuing

Visit any American theme park, concert, or other place where lines form, and you’ll see some rude behavior indeed. Line cutting, saving, and rowdy behavior have sadly become commonplace in the U.S.

According to Great British Magazine, Brits take queuing very seriously. Their queues will always be orderly and tidy. They consider anyone who attempts to cut in line extremely rude. Moreover, Modern British Manners author Laura Windsor says patience remains crucial in queuing.

The YouTube channel Those Two Brits also points out problems with Americans’ tendency to gather in a clump rather than a proper queue. This can cause confusion and anger. Americans who demonstrate impatience and audacious line-skipping could learn much from British citizens.

6. Maintain Physical Boundaries

Many Americans, myself included, have developed the habit of not maintaining physical boundaries with others, particularly strangers or casual acquaintances and associates. With family and good friends, it’s okay to be close and affectionate. But we often forget to curb those tendencies around those we don’t know.

The U.K. standard says one shouldn’t hug upon first meeting and should keep a distance of about 40 inches when shaking hands. Of course, exceptions exist. Still, remembering that not everyone has the same comfort level with personal space will eliminate any possible awkwardness.

7. Put Your Phone Away

This one may be the most important and needed form of polite British etiquette that Americans should adopt. American society has become attached to our phones in an unhealthy and obsessive way. From checking social media constantly to excessive texting, people in the U.S. can’t seem to leave their phones alone for even a few minutes.

On the other hand, Brits who follow proper manners consider this phone obsession very rude in social situations. It’s fine when alone, but one should never speak too loudly, especially on public transport. But if you’re speaking with or eating out with a friend or family member, the phones should be put away.

Laura Windsor explains that the only exception is if one is expecting an important call. In that case, politely excuse yourself and never take a call in front of everyone.

8. Avoid Serious Small Talk

Nothing brings a conversation down or creates unnecessary tension more than discussing serious issues. If both parties choose to engage in a thoughtful discussion, it’s one thing. But casual conversation shouldn’t bring up topics like religion, politics, and death.

While we can accommodate those with conditions like Asperger’s syndrome, everyone else should know better. Etiquette experts like Laura Windsor point out that asking a couple when they’re getting married or having a baby is a big “no-no.” Americans should definitely adopt this.

9. Do Not Stare

British society considers staring very impolite and rude. Frankly, this should be a rule of etiquette worldwide. Of course, it’s important to distinguish between making eye contact and staring.

When conversing with someone, one should, of course, make eye contact with them. Otherwise, it will seem like you’re not engaged and listening. On the other hand, prolonged eye contact, or staring, with strangers you pass on the street or see out and about can give people the wrong impression. Brits keep to themselves much more than Americans. For this rule, a happy medium sounds ideal.

10. Don’t Shout or Be Too Loud in Public

A significant difference between Americans and the British revolves around how loudly they speak, particularly in public. The British typically have a quieter and more reserved tone, while Americans have become known for being extremely boisterous.

In the U.K., people consider such loud behavior rude because it infringes on the comfort and peace of others. Girl Gone London on YouTube explains how she was considered quiet in America, but in Britain is told she’s too loud. With the embarrassing reputation of being able to hear Americans before you see them, learning to tone it down would be a good thing.

11. Don’t Complain

Great British Magazine explains that Brits enjoy complaining to each other about trivial things such as the weather, but they draw the line on poor service or products. In fact, they will often apologize instead of complaining.

Americans act differently. Complaining about everything publicly and online feels like a national sport at times. It can be very bothersome and comes across as rude, so why not attempt the British way?

12. Avoid Public Drunkenness

Alcohol consumption can be a touchy subject, especially when it comes to sobriety or those who drink in excess. Many likely assume that Americans and Brits think alike regarding drinking, especially considering the number of British pubs that exist.

In truth, proper British etiquette frowns upon public drunkenness. However, like many Americans, many everyday British citizens don‘t always follow this rule. Still, drinking should be done in moderation and responsibly. The U.K. Itself needs to get back on track, considering the alcohol-related death rate has increased from 12 to 14.8 per 100,000 people.

13. Always Bring Your Host a Gift

Many Americans bring gifts to their hosts at parties and get-togethers. However, others also forget or are completely unaware they should. The British, however, have a much better track record that Americans should follow.

Polite British manners state that one should always remember a gift. It does not need to be extravagant. Small things like a bottle of wine or chocolate will suffice. Personalized gifts also show that you took the time to think of something they’d enjoy, such as a magnet from their favorite place or a book from an author they love.

Importantly, author Laura Windsor says bringing fresh flowers, though tempting, is actually impolite because it requires the host to do more than they should, such as finding a vase while trying to take care of other things. On the other hand, a potted plant would serve the same purpose but without the hassle.