15 Totally Annoying Hit Songs From the 1970s

The 1970s had a plethora of groovy music… for the most part. Glam rock, disco, punk, funk, soul, and new wave injected new life into the music scene during the post-Woodstock decade. That doesn’t mean that every hit song from the 1970s has aged as well as Fleetwood Mac’s “Dreams,” however.

Some of the songs covered here inexplicably became hits despite being totally annoying. It’s difficult to imagine that anyone alive today has songs such as “Disco Duck,” “Feelings,” “Afternoon Delight,” or “Send in the Clowns” in heavy rotation, but to each their own.

Even the most “polyjamorous” music lovers might admit that the following 1970s songs are not music to anyone’s ears.

“Disco Duck” by Rick Dees and His Cast of Idiots

This irritating 1976 novelty song by radio personality Rick Dees tried to satirize disco and somehow became a number-one hit on the Billboard Hot 100.

The ditty with the inane lyrics “Flapping my arms I began to cluck/Look at me, I’m the disco duck” features a Donald Duck voice spitting lines such as “Got to have me a woman” and “Oh get down mama.” What the duck?

“Muskrat Love” by Captain & Tennille

The husband-and-wife duo Captain & Tennille pretty much reigned as the king and queen of cheesy 1970s easy listening.

Their 1972 hit “Muskrat Love” is, yes, about a romantic encounter between two of the titular aquatic rodents. With lyrics such as “Now, he’s ticklin’ her fancy/Rubbin’ her ties/Muzzle to muzzle now/Anything goes/As they wiggle/Sue starts to giggle,” “Muskrat Love” will test a listener’s pain threshold for corny ’70s soft rock.

“Afternoon Delight” by Starland Vocal Band

The Grammy-winning, number-one 1976 hit “Afternoon Delight” is a flirty song about post-lunch amorousness.

Lyrics such as “Thinkin’ of you’s workin’ up my appetite/Looking forward to a little afternoon delight/Rubbin’ sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite/And the thought of lovin’ you is getting so exciting/Sky rockets in flight/Afternoon delight” indicate that the singer needs a cold shower or a day job. Or both.

“Send in the Clowns” by Judy Collins

Stephen Sondheim wrote “Send in the Clowns” for the musical A Little Night Music. Several artists have covered the reflective ballad, including folk singer Judy Collins’ hit version.

Collins delivers groan-inducing lyrics such as “Isn’t it rich?/Are we a pair?/Me here at last on the ground/You in midair/Where are the clowns?” as if there were some profound life lesson sandwiched between the words. Spoiler alert: there is not.

“Escape (The Piña Colada Song)” by Rupert Holmes

The time for yacht-rock songs such as 1979’s “Escape (The Piña Colada Song)” by Rupert Holmes comes when you find yourself on a yacht and the sun is baking your brain.

The number-one song’s faux-romantic lyrics describe a man tired of his relationship who reads the following in a personal ad: “If you like piña coladas/And gettin’ caught in the rain/If you’re not into yoga/If you have half a brain/If you like makin’ love at midnight/In the dunes on the cape/Then I’m the love that you’ve looked for/Write to me and escape.”

Dock the boat and find some shade!

“Feelings” by Morris Albert

If there is a more cloying 1970s song than Brazilian singer Morris Albert’s 1974 hit “Feelings,” we can’t think of it.

With an instantly recognizable “whoa whoa whoa” chorus, Albert gets in touch with his considerable feelings about love and wants listeners to feel it with him. The international adult contemporary hit will make modern listeners feel some type of way, too — just probably not the same as Albert intended.

“You Light Up My Life” by Debby Boone

Musicians can sing about other topics besides dating, but nobody would know it judging from Debby Boone’s emotional, overwrought ballad “You Light Up My Life.”

The cover song topped the Billboard Hot 100 chart for 10 (!) unbelievable weeks in 1977. Boone belts the lyrics “And you light up my life/You give me hope to carry on/You light up my days and fill my nights with song” with embarrassingly serious conviction.

“Don’t Cry Out Loud” by Melissa Manchester

Melissa Manchester didn’t write the lyrics to “Don’t Cry Out Loud,” but most listeners know her 1978 cover version. Some random lyrics about clowns and parades precede the chorus “Don’t cry out loud/Just keep it inside, learn how to hide your feelings.” Manchester mouth-births the questionable advice about bottling up one’s emotions as if imparting heretofore unheard wisdom.

The hilarious black comedy Drop Dead Gorgeous pokes fun at Manchester’s “Don’t Cry Out Loud” in a scene with a character suffering from anorexia — someone who should learn how to express her feelings, not hide them.

“Kung Fu Fighting” by Carl Douglas

Believe it or not, Jamaican singer Carl Douglas’ disco ditty “Kung Fu Fighting” became one of the best-selling singles of all time, selling more than 11 million copies.

“Kung Fu Fighting” dropped in 1974 just as the popularity of martial arts films began to rise in the United States. The chorus “Everybody was kung fu fighting/Those cats were fast as lightning/In fact, it was a little bit frightening/But they fought with expert timing” is about as on the nose as lyrics get.

“Convoy” by C.W. McCall

The novelty song “Convoy” by C.W. McCall topped the country and pop charts in 1975.

The lyrics describe a fictional convoy of truckers who drive across the country without stopping: “‘Cause we got a great big convoy/Rockin’ through the night/Yeah, we got a great big convoy/Ain’t she a beautiful sight/C’mon and join our convoy/Ain’t nothin’ gonna get in our way/We gonna roll this truckin’ convoy/’Cross the U.S.A.”

McCall also provides the narration and CB chatter heard in the annoying call-to-action anthem.

“Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree” by Tony Orlando and Dawn

The tedious, toe-tapping 1973 hit “Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree” by Tony Orlando and Dawn topped the charts for four weeks. Told from the perspective of a man who just got released from prison, the lyrics describe an understanding the ex-convict has with his lady.

If he drives by on the bus and sees that she tied a yellow ribbon around the ole oak tree, he’ll know that she’s thinking of him and will get off the bus. Without a ribbon, he will move on. Whatever, dude.

“Playground in My Mind” by Clint Holmes

Clint Holmes corralled his kid into singing the irritating chorus to his 1972 hit single “Playground in My Mind.”

Anyone who wants to hear a seven-year-old with a singsong voice chirp, “My name is Michael/I’ve got a nickel/I’ve got a nickel shiny and new/I’m gonna buy me all kinds of candy, that’s what I’m gonna do,” “Playground in My Mind” has you covered.

“Summer Breeze” by Seals and Croft

When people talk about breezy ’70s hits, “Summer Breeze” by Seals and Croft blows into their minds first.

We’re not sure exactly what “blowing through the jasmine in my mind” that makes the singer “feel fine” means, but until the advent of the Internet, we thought he said “jazz band” instead of “jasmine.” It doesn’t matter — let the featherlight song with nonsensical lyrics drift away like a dandelion seed.

“I’m Not in Love” by 10cc

Singer Eric Stewart of the British band 10cc purportedly wrote “I’m Not in Love” in response to his wife saying that he didn’t tell her enough that he loved her.

The syrupy 1975 single became a number-two hit in the United States, and it definitely is “number two” even by soft rock standards.

“Forever in Blue Jeans” by Neil Diamond

Neil Diamond reportedly said that his 1979 hit “Forever in Blue Jeans” testifies to the importance of the simple things in life, but the Gap used the goofy song with a carnival beat to sell blue jeans.

The song opens with the lyrics: “Money talks/But it don’t sing and dance and it don’t walk/And long as I can have you here with me/I’d much rather be forever in blue jeans.” Does anyone believe that Neil Diamond — one of the most successful singers of the 1970s with the last name of a precious gem — is really all about life’s simple pleasures?