Five “Tells” That Your Spouse Is Lying About Money

When couples take the big step of marrying or moving in together, you’d think money would be a top pillow talk priority before making the engagement official.

If you thought that was the case, you might have been wrong.

According to a recent Fidelity Investment study, 57% of American couples don’t discuss money – even at least once per month.

That engagement grows even more rare the more stressful the household finances become.

A case in point. Cornell University researchers stated in a recent study that 70% of U.S. adults regularly feel financial stress, and the more angst they feel, the less likely they’ll discuss their cash problems with their partner.

“This is the first thing that fascinated us about this topic – that financially stressed individuals who need to have these conversations the most are the least likely to have them,” says Emily Garbinsky, associate professor in the Samuel Curtis Johnson Graduate School of Management, who co-authored the paper.

In fact, the Cornell study found the most widespread tactic in dealing with spousal money woes is to avoid talking about the topic.

The study noted that “higher levels of financial stress are associated with less communication about finances with a partner.”

The problem is that money is more about emotions than numbers, experts say.

“We each have a relationship to money and finances, and it was developed through experiences we had growing up and into adulthood,” says Audrey Schoen, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Audrey Schoen, LMFT in Granite Bay, Cal.

According to Schoen, when couples talk about money, they attempt to talk about the numbers but don’t realize they are actually talking about something much more emotional. “That makes it even more challenging when they don’t agree,” she adds. “Emotions run high, and neither understand why the other one doesn’t get it.”

Lying – The Big Elephant in American Couples Homes

The only outcome worse than not talking about a delicate financial issue is lying, although many spouses do it all the time.

Data from Forbes Advisor shows that 38% of U.S. adults have lied to a spouse or partner about money. Those lies primarily involve purchases, debt, and spending habits.

Partners who are lied to don’t like the experience—54% of survey respondents say lying about money “is equivalent to infidelity,” according to Forbes. Yet people who do so say lying about money is necessary. 40% of the survey respondents said they had to lie to preserve the relationship.

What can spouses who suspect they’re being lied to about household finances do to clear the air and get the truth? Job one is to uncover the lies so they can deal with the issue healthily and decisively. These five “money lies” can reveal the liar and set the stage for conflict resolution, one way or another.

Look for cues. Recognizing financial dishonesty requires sensitivity to behavioral cues that may suggest hidden truths.

“A partner becoming increasingly secretive or evasive when financial topics arise can indicate a deeper issue,” says Michelle Paiva, a finance behavioral specialist at The Finance Therapist in Downingtown, Pa. “Emotional responses—such as defensiveness or avoidance—are often telltale signs that something is amiss. Again, you can’t be sure- but go with your gut.”

Focus on the money “omissions.” Inconsistencies in a partner’s regular narrative can reveal that a money lie is occurring.

“If what they say doesn’t align with your shared financial reality, it’s a signal for deeper inquiry,” Paiva says. “Look for unexplained purchases or changes in spending habits. Emotional neglect around financial transparency may lead to hidden debts or accounts, creating a disconnect that only exacerbates anxiety and mistrust in the relationship.”

When you suspect money is being hidden. If you suspect your partner is hiding financial assets, pay close attention to their behavior.

“Unwarranted secrecy about financial discussions can indicate something is amiss,” says Kristie Tse, a New York City-based psychotherapist specializing in complex personal and relational dynamics. “If they often avoid discussing finances or become defensive when the topic arises, it might be worth probing further.”

In this scenario, “look for tangible signs like finding documents relating to unknown accounts or investments, bank statements with unfamiliar transactions, or a sudden and significant shift in lifestyle or spending,” Tse adds.

Pay attention to details. There are usually telltale signs of financial dishonesty in a relationship, but it’s not always obvious, says Leslie H. Tayne, founder of the Tayne Law Group in New York, N.Y.  “You need to pay attention to small details. Is your partner being defensive or secretive out of seemingly nowhere?” she notes. “There could also be unexplained spending changes and income/ expenses not adding up.”

There’s more. If your partner tries to intercept the mail before you can retrieve it, hide financial statements from you, or doesn’t want to share login information for banks/ credit cards, they could lie to you about money. “For example, withdrawing cash when it’s not typical behavior or there isn’t an explanation is another sign of dishonesty,” Tayne warns.

Note any “family habits.” Couples often struggle to talk about money because it taps into deeper emotional issues like control, power dynamics, and self-worth.

“In my practice, I’ve seen clients hide financial habits out of fear of being judged or shamed,” says Dr. Gilbert Chalepas, CEO and clinical psychologist at Reconnect Relationship in Beverly Hills, Cal. “For example, one client avoided telling her husband about her mounting credit card debt because she felt embarrassed about her shopping habits and didn’t want to be labeled irresponsible. Another client I worked with didn’t want to discuss his financial situation because he grew up in a household where money was a constant source of stress, and he feared that talking about it would lead to conflict.”

“Money, for many people, equals vulnerability,” Chalepas notes.

Healing Financial Infidelity Wounds

The best way to address money in relationships is to create a space where both partners feel safe discussing finances without “fear of judgment,” Chalepas says.

One couple Chalepas worked with found success by having monthly “money check-ins,” where they approached their finances like a team, not adversaries. “They treated these meetings as problem-solving sessions rather than blame games, which helped ease tension,” he says. “By creating a consistent and open dialogue, they rebuilt trust and took control of their finances together. It’s all about fostering collaboration, not confrontation.”

Couples can also agree to a weekly financial check-in, where spouses check all household transactions and accounts.

“That’s’ a great way to keep a pulse on your cash flow and catch inconsistencies,” Schoen says.

Partners can also agree to have all cash directly deposited into a joint account or an account tracked by a budgeting app. “That helps to increase transparency,” Schoen adds. “Each spouse also has their personal spending account, which doesn’t have to be joint. An agreed-upon amount is transferred each month to both accounts, and the money is for spending with no questions asked.”

If couples don’t want to have joint accounts, using a budgeting app (Schoen uses Simplifi) allows both partners to see the transactions without having direct access to the accounts.

“This can be helpful when one partner struggles with a spending addiction,” she says. “They can be involved in family finances while not having access to their partner’s funds.”

If discussions lead to conflict, seek professional help but unpack what else is happening in the relationship.

“For instance, someone’s chronic spending might be pointing to depression; someone’s fear of bills might be underlying anxiety,” Paiva says. “It’s never just about the money.”