Part of Halloween’s charm comes from handmade costumes’ kitsch, camp, and creativity. Our parents’ pitiful attempts at Power Rangers or subpar Sonic the Hedgehogs make for great “remember when” moments, but for many people and myriad reasons, homemade costumes aren’t possible. In these moments, families lean on retailers like Party City, Spirit Halloween, and Halloween Express, among other shops.

Despite the popularity of Halloween-themed retailers and their three-month residences in rotating defunct storefronts, not all offerings are home runs. Spirit Halloween, the most well-known of the bunch, has long held a position in the zeitgeist. Naturally, the brand has become no stranger to memes, product criticisms, and even accusations of art theft.

With thousands of products released annually, from beloved intellectual property’s officially licensed merch to unidentifiable knockoffs, not all costumes from these storied American institutions’ offerings are winners. These 14 getups make compelling conversation pieces — but probably not the complimentary conversations you hoped for.

“The Wall”

Halloween festivities have never shied away from skewering political figures on either side of the aisle. The early aughts were the time of “Bushisms,” and every costume party hosted countless Condoleezas and Monica Lewinskys. But that’s where this one goes awry. Wearing controversial and divisive costumes to festive get-togethers is a surefire way to not get invited next year. Plus, this makes a more charming and on-the-nose Pink Floyd reference.

Confederate Soldiers

Unless the party is at a Civil War reenactment, find another costume. Maintain the magic of trick-or-treating and bobbing for apples — let the kiddos select their own costumes. Even if they must wear an illusion-shattering crew neck sweatshirt underneath their Five Nights at Freddy’s ensemble, they’ll just be glad they weren’t props in adults’ political conversations.

“Lil Hobo”

Little Brayden doesn’t want to beg at neighbors’ doors dressed as an unhoused person. What one family feels is funny may not land with others. Amid rising living costs, many working Americans are one missed paycheck away from eviction. A lighthearted holiday party is just that, and shouldn’t make anyone uncomfortable. I’m certain your little one would rather be Bluey, anyway.

COVID-19 Vaccine

This might’ve had a different crowd reaction in 2020, but nearly five years after issued lockdowns and innumerable not-so-subtle “Corona” costumes, the bit has grown a little tired. Historically, healthcare-themed Halloween costumes are well-loved — nurses, doctors, patients, and paramedics, among others — so don’t inject political tension into an otherwise innocuous event.

Bigger-Bodied Ballerina

Remember “the golden rule?” If you wouldn’t want your body to be the butt of a joke, don’t do it to someone else. Silly dance attempts always get a laugh, but when an inflated belly does the heavy lifting, expect crickets. Any untrained person imitating skilled dancers is sure to get a giggle from most, so the oversized suit is unnecessary.

“Frank the Flasher”

Imagine attending a costume party and having to rub elbows with a guest who thinks flashing is lighthearted fun. Steer clear of costumes spoofing abusive behaviors. Workplace Halloween parties, family-centered trick-or-treating festivities, and other events are not the time or place for tasteless, divisive costumes.

If you wouldn’t share costume photos with your grandmother or boss, it’s probably not a good idea.

Religious Figures

Whether priest, pope, rabbi, monk, or otherwise, poking fun at someone’s faith isn’t funny. Parties should lighten the mood, not dampen it. Other party guests will quickly feel unwelcome among upsetting faith-based “jokes.”

Costume parties are where many Americans really let loose, and an eyebrow-raising costume choice can end the shenanigans early.

Needlessly Suggestive Costumes

I prefer my pizza hot, but not like that! Not every costume calls for sensuality. While they’re not often offensive and you’re likely not getting booed out of a house party, many women feel ready-made costume selections skew on the sensual side.

A 2019 West Chester University study says more than 90% of costume offerings for women are suggestive in some capacity, and one in three young girls’ costumes were, too.

“Blind Referee”

Whether your team is having a good season or a bad one, leave stereotypes out of it. Harmful cliches alienate persons with disabilities. Sports fans have endless costume choices that don’t insult the visually impaired. Instead, opt for other notable sports figures — Andy Reid’s iconic mustache, Bill Belichick’s cut-off crew neck sweatshirts, or a handmade Gritty get-up.

Adult Baby

While adult babies aren’t offensive, per se, they are plumb off-putting. Prepare to feel other partygoers involuntarily grimace when they look across the room and see a 40-year-old infant sipping a craft beer.

Be sure to upload photos of you in a onesie with a cocktail to your LinkedIn page the day after.

Feminine Hygiene Products

Advisories surrounding “potty humor” go without saying, I fear. All laughs generated come from a place of discomfort, not genuineness. I advise, for everyone’s sake, including yours, to skip this outfit and others like it.

Put these costumes in the garbage where they belong — do NOT flush them, though.

Plug and Socket

We get it, you’re a couple, but the shock value of this ensemble is corny and played out. “Insert Rod A into Slot B,” no — insert this into the dumpster. It’s only August, and 2024 has been a great year for couples’ costume ideas, like Deadpool/Wolverine, Taylor/Travis, and even Fallout-inspired vault suits.

The Handmaid’s Tale

Hulu’s recent adaptation of Margaret Atwood’s 1985 novel of the same name kickstarted a movement wherein women don red fertility cloaks at marches and protests. Reproductive care is a point of contention for many Americans, and wearing such a loaded costume to any gathering is unwise unless you’re trying to ruffle some feathers.

Mental Illnesses

Americans’ mental health concerns are at an all-time high, says Mental Health America. With our families, friends, and neighbors confronting crises in record numbers, fake straitjackets aren’t the way to build camaraderie within your cul-de-sac.

Many Americans utilize self-deprecating humor to cope with stressors but don’t do it on someone else’s behalf.